people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
