I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
