dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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