I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
