So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
