So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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