ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
His nipple licking is glorious
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