i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
