So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
ttyl tear gas
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
