OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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