I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
