Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
