I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
