So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
