Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
