This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
