i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
