3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
