I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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