I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
