i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
