i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
