Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
