You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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