i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
