in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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