I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
