He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
