you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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