Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize