I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
