i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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