No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
