please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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