So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
