There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
