You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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