if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
