At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
two words...techno handjob
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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