After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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