i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
