They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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