I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
