Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i dont even know how to be here
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize