why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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