i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
