Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
