Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
