It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
