I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
