Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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