I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
