Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
