I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
