dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
