3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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