My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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