I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
