i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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