omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
