Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
cat food counts as protein by the way
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
