This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
