it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
