Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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