There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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