the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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