I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
