So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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