His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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