idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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