i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
