You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
