I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
