I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
