I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
