Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I still have a little drunk in my system
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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