I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
