I'm going to jail i love you
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
