I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
