This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
