If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
