just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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