Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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