walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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