his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
