she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i've created a new STD.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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